The Luck 'O The Irish

It's the month of March! Thus the temporary change of background :) I thought I'd celebrate my favorite holiday- St. Patrick's day for the whole month! It probably goes without saying that the reason I love the upcoming holiday so much is because for many years I spent time every week lacing up my gillies and hard shoes to practice some killer river dancing. More on this fabulous journey of Irish jigging (probably complete with some dang cute pictures) as it gets closer to the holiday. So stay tuned. 


For now, if I can make it to Friday I will shout for joy! I have two huge exams that day, then we will sing FREEDOM (aka.. spring break!) Off to fill my brain with loads of anatomy and psychology terms :) Wish me all the luck of the Irish you can muster! I will definitely need it... 

Amazed.

Today I have been amazed. 
Nothing extraordinary happened.
Just a normal day. 
But yet, it was fabulous. 


I love Thursdays. 
-I get to sleep in until 7:30am (my body naturally wakes itself up at 5am every day). 
-I only have two classes and they are my music therapy classes (which I naturally enjoy)
-I have time to study and breathe (aka not running from one class to another for 9 straight hours.. curse Wednesdays)
-I get to end my evening with Latter-Day Voices. (And Thursday night rehearsals are always so great.)


Yeah. That's about it. But today I really have been amazed.


Amazed at how happy and calm I can feel when I know I have a thousand things to get done in about zero minutes of time.


Amazed at how much I can really get done when I just focus my little brain. 


Amazed at how people perceive me. Positively & negatively. 


Amazed at how wonderful people are.


Amazed at how the people you think you knew are actually ten times cooler than you thought.


Amazed at how much a heart can ache for something that it might very well never have.


Amazed at how big of an effect our decisions and choices have on our attitudes.


Amazed at how much love my Savior has for me.


Amazed at the talents my Heavenly Father has blessed me with, and seeing their effects on others. 


Amazed at how fast 5 years at Utah State University have flown by.


Amazed that I only have 2 months left of Latter-Day Voices. And then that will be the end of a life-changing 4-year experience. 




It feels like yesterday that I was a naive little 18 year old, sitting, crying in my new, tiny, white-walled college dorm watching my family drive away. Leaving me to years of much learning and growing. And it's not over yet. But it gets closer every day. 


I'm amazed at how much I've changed in almost 5 years. 
I'm amazed at how far I have come, and how much I have grown in so many different areas.
And I couldn't be more grateful. 

Just Some V-Day Lovin'!

Today was probably one of the most unique Valentine's Days I have ever experienced. First off, no valentine. No hot date. WHICH, is NORMAL for myself. Yes. That part is not unique. Moving along. Today was great because for the most part of the day I was with Latter-Day Voices singing to the high school kids at the Skyview High Seminary. We sang and put on a program for each of their 5 periods. It was a long day, seeing as I started with my morning institute student council meeting bright and early at 6;30am! We did have toaster strudels for breakfast at the meeting (And I had a Boston creme pie one. Divine.) So all was well.

The seminary visit was fabulous though. I always love going despite how tiring it is. I wish with all my heart we could have had some program like that in high school. Maybe I wouldn't have struggled so badly. Oh well, everything has a reason. I just love doing this though because I LOVE the youth. Love. I would work with teenagers for the rest of my life if I could. They are so impressionable, and I love trying to be an influence for good in their lives. (Plus Troy Bolton was at the seminary the last period. No Joke. Cute Boy wearing a Wildcats shirt with the number 14. It was him).

After the seminary, my roommates and I celebrated our beloved roommate Emma's birthday :) Kendra decorated the strawberry shortcake, Jackie lit candles, and I played happy birthday on the old guitar. It was a fabulous few minutes had by all. Rah Rah!

Then I went to the women's group session at CAPSA. I'm observing these sessions for my thesis. What an interesting place to be on Valentine's- with a group of ladies who have been victims of domestic violence. It was such a great group tonight though. Every time I go my eyes are opened just a little more to what is really happening in the world. It's scary. However, it also strengthens my hope in the powerful impact that I could have, and also hope in that there IS good in this world! We enjoyed some chocolate and heart-shaped cookies. And talked about fairy tales and what real love looks like. It was a great session.

I should be studying now, and I will get right on that as soon as I push publish. When Kendra gets off work in a few minutes my roommates and I will celebrate the ending of Valentine's Day with a little Chinese take-out. At least I still have some hot valentines :)

I love every single person in my life that has made me happy, enabled me to serve, given me opportunity to teach as well as be taught, believed in me, loved me, and supports me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my family, my EFY ladies, my BBY ladies, or the wonderful friends that continue to love me despite my current status of non-sociability. I love my Savior. I love my Heavenly Father. And I love that each day I get the chance to start over, do better, and prove to myself that I can do hard things.

My little life is in great need of some re-evaluation or I will never make it to May 5th, 2012 alive and sane. I can do it though. And I can do it while smiling. I have to! :)

Merry, Happy, Love, Be loved, and share love day.

Neat :)

Last night was so fun! These awesome guys came to perform for our institute opening social:

Ryan Shupe and the RubberBand

We had over 1300 people in attendance, and it was such a fun concert :) Afterwards, as we were helping clean up I had a really neat experience. Here's how it all went down: Pretty lengthy.. 

I am on take down duty up by the stage and Ryan Shupe is standing on the stage in front of me watching me take a mic stand down as he puts his violin away. 

Me: "Hey thanks again for coming, that was so fun!" 

Ryan: "Thanks for letting us come! Are you on the student council?" (noticing my fancy polo)

Me: "Yeah I'm actually the music council president"

Ryan: "Oh cool, so you are the one responsible for getting us here?!"

Me: "Well.. actually no.. that was Kelby's idea. But I supported it 100%!"

Ryan: "Oh I see, supported the decision..." 

Me: "No really I was excited for you guys to come! It really was so much fun!"

Ryan: "Haha well thank you, we had a lot of fun"

A few minutes pass, more stuff gets cleaned up and put away...

Ryan passes me on his way out and stops to chat for a second more:

Me: "Hey thanks again!"

Ryan: something to the extent of "our pleasure" then, 

"Yeah we'd be happy to come again! Of course that is, if you would support us coming again.. "

Me: "Hey now, I'm a musician myself, so of course I would support it! haha"

Ryan: "Oh really, what do you play?"

now my spiel... 

Me: "Piano, guitar, drums and I sing."

Ryan: "You play the drums?! Are you any good?!"

Me: "Yeah I'm okay.."

Ryan: "Well sweet, you'll have to show Nate (their drummer) a thing or two! And singer?"

Me: "Yeah, I write my own music too."

Ryan: "No way, so can I find you online? What is your name?"

Me: "Well my name is Rebecca Tanner, but I have my music under RebeccaMarieMusic online. or..

Kelby walking up... "And she has recorded a CD of her own too!" (haha thanks Kelby)

Me: "Haha or yes, I have a CD too."

Ryan: "Nice, I will have to look you up then!"

Me: "Well I actually have a CD here right now and I'd be happy to give it to you if you want"

Ryan: "Um.. yes! Go get it!"

So I run to get it in my purse, grateful that I thought to put one in there tonight just in case...

I find him talking to some of the other institute teachers on his way out.

Me: "well there you go!"

Ryan: "Awesome. So who did you record with?"

Me: "Like what company?"

Ryan: "No like what other artists played the music on your album?"

Me: "Oh.. I did it all.."

Ryan: "You did everything?! Piano, guitar, singing?"

Me: "Yep."

Ryan: "Well I'm very impressed! I'm excited to listen to it! Thank you"

Me: "Well thank you"

(Brother White is standing there, and interjects some very nice comments about my talents and performing here at the institute... )

Ryan: "Well next time we are in Logan we will have to have you sing for us!"

Me (in a little bit of shock at this point): "Yeah that would be awesome!"

Then we have some parting comments and I think he leaves....

However, I find him one more time trying to get out of the confusing building,

Ryan: "Hey Rebecca Marie!"

Me: "Ha that's me!"

Ryan: "Well I'm excited to listen to your CD!"

Me: "You'll have to let me know what you think!"

Ryan: "Oh I will!"

And then that was the final of our short encounters that evening. 

But cool right??

Who would have thought? 

My life is so cool sometimes. 

Haha and the funny part is the night before my mom told me to take a CD to the concert just in case... 

She is amazing. Thanks mom :) 

Bucket List Before I Leave Logan.

This being my final semester, I am saddened to say that there are some things specific to Logan, Utah that I have never participated in during my 4.5 years of being here. The deadline for this on-going adventure is May 5th, graduation day. Anyone is invited (and would be much appreciated) to help me accomplish the following:

1. "Clean the Sink" @ Angie's. 
- While I find sharing germs with others quite disgusting (Although I have come a long way over the years, I will always be a slight germaphobe) I will put aside my habits and distaste for this one moment.

2. Become a True Aggie
- Again, it is extremely out of my nature to kiss any boy that I am not "officially dating". However, if May 5, 2012 comes and I graduate from Utah State University without ever having kissed a boy on top of the A, I will be sad for eternity. SO, any takers that are not total creeps are welcome to help on this one :) haha oh dear.

3. I need to go to a basketball game!
- Let's be real, I HAVE already been to many games. Why else would I love them so much?! However, I have not been to one yet this season, and it is hurting my heart. I need to go and cheer my team on for free. I love me some Aggie pride. Somebody come with me and be my friend please :)

4. Go to the Crepery
- I hear this is just a wonderful experience for your tummy, and I would also like to enjoy in the pleasure :)

5. Willow Park Zoo Adventure
- This one is random.. haha but I just have a desire to visit our little not-so-great zoo!

6. Hike to the Wind Caves
- This one will have to be towards the end of the semester when it's not frigid outside, but I would really love to do this!

7. Sledding down Old Main Hill
- So it's needs to snow again for this to happen!!

These are the tops items, and I'm sure I will be adding to it. However, if you notice, all of these would be extremely lonely and boring (and some impossible) if I participated in them by myself. Therefore, friends: please save me occasionally from a world full of isolation and studying and let us have an adventure :)

Party like it's 2-0-1-2!

 It's Christmas break, and the festivities have been taking place! Last week we had many a family parties and I also got to go up to the SLC to visit one of my best friends Angela. She works in the senator's office- no big deal. HA. I had to go through security and wear a visitor's sticker just to see her beautiful face. It was fabulous though :) Love her. A lot. Christmas Eve we had the whole family together one last time before Nathan and McKenna make their way to China for a year to teach English. Our annual gingerbread house making extravaganza was spectacular!

The family and I are now in Ohio to visit and help take care of my aunt Sharon. We celebrated New Year's Eve last night by seeing the new movie "New Year's Eve" (Probably one of the funniest movies I have ever seen!!Part of that may have been because of Zac Efron's appearance..) and celebrating with a mini dance party in my aunt's house at midnight :) 

The only thing missing was am attractive boy to kiss... ha.. someday.

Well kids, here's to 2012 and new adventures!! 

Give. Yourself.

It's been a very long while.. but! I'm back on this thing because let's be honest, I have missed it. Christmas break is finally upon us! I can't believe that I am only a semester away from graduating from college. Weird. But I am more than ready. I have a terrible case of senioritis, being this is my fifth year in Logan, UT. I will miss it most definitely, but I have finally come to terms with the fact that I do have to grow up someday. Until that moment happens though, I will just continue live my adventurous life one day at a time!

Something noteworthy- I had to quit my job that I loved so dearly. I have been working for the past few months at a residential eating disorder facility for adolescent girls. I was so grateful to get the position because it became my dream job about a year ago after I discovered how much I love working with teenage girls. Long hours, sassy girls, hard days, tears, having to sass in return, but I loved it. I loved watching the change happen. I loved seeing light in these girl's eyes every now and then. I loved seeing recovery. I loved singing to them. But circumstances change, and priorities take place. Last Saturday (Christmas Eve) was my last day. I feared telling my girls because I knew they would not be happy. My girls called my a traitor and asked why I had to leave them. I was not really doing it by choice, but I had really no other option because of outside events with family and school.It was hard, but I always know when I make the right decision about something because I feel at peace. And peace is the one feeling that Satan cannot imitate. Someday they will leave to. Healthy. That is my only wish for them. Who knows if I did anything in the few months I was there to help in their process, but part of me likes to think I did. Just by smiling, sharing encouraging words, singing to them, helping them take their minds off the damaging thoughts inside. I definitely left with some great memories: Justin Bieber Christmas. Zumba with beaded skirts. A rambunctious hockey game. Writing songs. Sharing my songs. Singing lullabies. Movies. Movies. Coloring. I'm going on a trip... Sharing the words "I'm proud of you", And hearing the words "Thank You". I wrote one of my girls a song, because she asked and I promised. I gave her the lyrics on my last day, and regret that I forgot my guitar. I watched her read the lyrics as I walked up the stairs for the last time. I looked down to see her beautiful face with an expression of' amazement that I actually wrote the song, but also with a look in her eyes saying 'thank you'. The song is entitled "Setting Myself Free" and she will hear it eventually. When she finally sets herself free.

(This may get cheesy or whatever, but this is the way I work!) As I drove the 3 hours home that night, I reflected on those last few seconds after I gave her the lyrics, and her expression as I left. We were all not too excited about my leaving. But I learned something that day. I've learned it before, but it finally set in stone in that moment. The only thing I truly have that I can give to another with perfect love, is myself. I put my heart and soul into every song that I write. By writing a song for someone, I am giving them a piece of me. It is the only gift I know how to give that will live between them and myself forever. I learned finally that God gave us talents to share. Share a bit of ourselves with others. The most apparent of my gifts are my musical talents. I will share my music forever. However, I will share it in a way that connects my soul to others. I will share in a way that when I give, the receiver knows they are receiving the one thing I can truly give- a part of my soul. Perfect love.

The Christmas season I am grateful that I have had opportunities to share my gifts with my family. I have become the designated piano player for our Tanner family Christmas party sing-along. It was so much fun to watch my grandma out of the corner of my eye giving my cousins actions to parts of Christmas songs we didn't know existed! My family also got to participate in our home ward choir for the Christmas program Christmas morning. We made up a third of the choir :) haha It is experiences like these, in which I am able to give of myself, that I am truly grateful for.

School will begin again soon. 18 credits, senior thesis, anatomy, music therapy practicum, and physiological psychology await. But I am excited. I am going to end this undergraduate thing with a bang. I'm determined to. I still have lots of hopes and dreams! My CD is done and on the market! People are buying and saying they love it :) One day a handsome young man will sweep me off my feet, with whom I will be able to feel that all things are possible! And one day, I will save a life with my music.

For right now, I will continue to live the life that I have been so graciously given. I will remember to smile always, and give the greatest gift I have to give. Myself.

:)

To you.

(I fell asleep last night before I could press post haha it was only 2am. nbd.)

I'm feeling a lot of different things right now, so we are just going to do some anonymous shout outs because those are always fun :)

To you. Thank you for thinking of me tonight even though our plans didn't match up. It's always nice to be thought of. And I love you. I wish I could spend more time with you.

To you. Thank you for taking an interest in my life, and following up with me. Even if is right now in the wee hours of the morning. I love you soo much and couldn't be more grateful for your friendship.

To you. I'm really glad I got to see your face tonight. We WILL become better friends very soon. Mostly just because I want to be your friend so badly. If you ask why, I have my reasons. But seriously. I hope I don't bug you.. Play date coming very soon.

To you and you. Seriously, why were we not friends before now? I will stir chili with you any day. You both made my night tonight. Thank you.

To you. Oh goodness. I just love catching up. I love that you understand and that we think the same way. I appreciate you mucho. Do something again very soon? Yes please.

To you. I miss you all. I'm coming home soon.

Here's to you.

A New Leaf.

“Change is the essence of life.

Be willing to surrender what you are 

for what you could become."

A lot sure has happened since the last year of my undergraduate schooling began. It is weird that I am finally a true senior in college. It is weird that I only have 7 months left as a student at Utah State University. While thinking about the future scares me half to death, I also find myself getting really excited about all the possibilities and opportunities that await! 

This semester is very different for a lot of reasons:

- I only have one class. It is a science depth class (I'm behind on generals) and I rarely have homework. This is all a very new concept to me..

- I have a real life job! Not that accompanying and teaching piano are not real jobs, but I actually have a boss, get a paycheck, and I have to ask for time off. Hello real life. Not to mention, I love it! It's a difficult line to work in, but so rewarding. I get sassed, looked up and down, and stared at, but somehow I still love it. The healing and recovery process is probably one of the greatest journeys to witness, and I get a front row seat. 

- I'm working on my senior thesis. I have a wonderful opportunity to participate in research that potentially become popular nationwide. I just have to get my song writing skills in check as I'll be writing a song a week for victims of domestic violence. It has been a difficult training to sit through in learning all about what these people have gone through, but it has been very eye opening. I'm excited to have the challenge to write quickly and with quality.

- I'm on the music council at the institute again. I'm so grateful I'm being entrusted with the call to serve, lead, and rescue yet again. 

- The majority of LDV is new this year. I was very apprehensive at first. A lot of my close friends did not come back this year due to marriage, times up, or busy schedules. However, after our retreat weekend, I'm stoked as all get out. There are so many people I want to get to know and become friends with its ridiculous! The only hard part is getting over my own fears of talking to people. It's true, it paralyzes. But I've gotten SO much better over the years, and mostly I just fake myself into believing I'm brave and outgoing until I actually am. I'm coming along quite nicely from where I started, if I do say so myself :) 

I'm still busy me, however it's a different kind of busy. My long hours at work and very early meetings make me tired a lot. I still find myself procrastinating homework (Even though I have only one freaking class), and I have to find time to think and really ponder about the songs I'm writing for my thesis. But this is me. Busy. I have to be doing lots of things or I feel like I'm just wasting my life away. 

On another note, God is constantly readjusting the path I keep drawing for myself. Being me, I just go along with it because I know that He sees everything. Hard things have happened, but I'm okay. I was reminded many times this week that I should never settle for less than what I deserve. What do I deserve then? I believe I deserve someone who will accept and support everything I'm involved in, regardless of how high-achieving or ridiculous my activities may be. I deserve to be believed and believed in. I deserve to have dreams of my own, and to be allowed to reach those dreams. I deserve to be understood for how far I really have come. I deserve to be allowed to keep becoming the person I want to and know I can become. I deserve to be seen by others as my Heavenly Father sees me. I believe we all deserve these things. 

I am steadily becoming the girl I've always wanted to be. This is a semester of new experiences, new people, and new challenges. But I welcome them all with open arms and will continue to smile. Heck. Optimism is a lot more fun than pessimism!